(Taken from she.com)
Dear zita,
I'm very annoyed by the current relationship problem, please kindly advise. I'm 24, now a final year university student. He's 26, is working as a professional. I met him when I was year 1, that was 4 years ago. We were in the same faculty. It was him who chased after me, very sincerely. I actually didn't think that he was the ideal one, he was just like those boys who are only interested in studying, was fat, was very very boring, didn't know how to handle a relationship with a girl, but since he was so sincere, and
loved me so much, I decided to give him a chance. At first I told him that we were not going to last long, I just wanted to taste how dating was like, but he was very upset every time when I wanted to leave him, so I still kept the relationship. After 1 year, I have decided not to leave him and marry him in the future if possible, because I think it's hard to find such a good boy, who is a professional, which is the same profession which I am going to work as, and both of us will have a high salary, and he loves me so much. But In these 4 years I still complained about him continuously that he was not good enough, he was very boring, never able to please me...etc. I always joked to him that I wanted another bf before marriage, so he should let me date another boy and then go back and marry him. Actually both of us are very frustrated, I'm frustrated because he is never able to please me, he is so because of the same reason. I also found him to talk less with me and seldom phones me actively. Though he still talks to me everyday when I phone him, and he still comes and sees me every week. 1 week ago he suddenly told me that he loved me less, he said I was a christian and he wasn't, and though I have asked him to go to church with me for 4 years, he still couldn't find a reason to become a christian, he said he didn't have confidence for our relationship because I was unlikely to marry him due to the religion. I said I didn't mind and I would still marry him, but he said he mind, he said there were also other reasons like he was never able to please me. Then I said hat does that mean? You want to break up with me??But he denied and he said he wouldn't be able to let go. He just asked me to consider the fact that he was unlikely to become a christian, he said he didn't want me to choose him because there were still better ones around who were less boring. I said I didn't want others. Then he finally concluded that we continued the relationship. The next day I told him that I wanted to break up because I knew he didn't love me anymore, but he said he would prefer keeping the relationship, he said he was just thinking too much recently and loving me less is only a transient situation. However I still thought that he had much less to talk with me, I forced him to answer if we were going to get marry or to break up immediately, which he would choose, he couldn't choose as I expected. I talked to my friends about it, they said it was probably that I complained about him too frequently and finally made him lose his confidence and made him frustrated. Should I continue? I still love him and want to keep the relationship? What should I do to keep him with me? This is a long letter. But you know I'm so annoyed, please kindly advice. Thanks!
Annoyed girl
Dear Annoyed girl︰
你知道嗎?如果你不愛那個男人,他是會知的,然後,他就自然會減少對你的愛。
雖然,你說你愛他,但你的長久行徑令他感受到相反的事實。人非草木,就算他當初有多愛你,也會感到沮喪和力量漸失。 你問心,你有盡過愛一個人的本份嗎?你對他何曾有耐性、愛心、憐惜、支持和鼓勵?一個女人應該做的,你有做過嗎? 你選擇他,為的是他肯付出、條件不俗、肯被你控制。如果在這些理由上沒添上足夠的愛情,你和他都會很痛苦。你一直剝削、他一直被利用,這種關係,完全不是愛情。 他比你敏感、也較有人性。你想想,他會一直無趣、沉悶,要是你還不想放生他,你就要一生忍受他的本性。 你只有兩個選擇:放過你倆;又或是學習去愛他、接受他。 想 keep 住他?唯有動用真愛。但你有嗎?
深雪覆